RandomReview: Charli XCX's "Vroom Vroom EP"

It's strange, to be honest with you. Charli XCX is such a random singer for me to be a fan of. People who know me personally are familiar with the fact that I'm mostly a Retro, EDM, and Soft Rock type of gal. I can go for a bit of Pop every so often. It was Charli's first album that drew me in, though. "True Romance" was great! The retro vibes and bubbly beats to the music were very intriguing. I thought she had a lot of potential as a singer, and had already become someone I was looking out for. Spotify described her genre of music as "neon goth," which I thought was a noble way to put it. Yes - retro vibes, goth vibes and pop mixed together in one album. Noddy work. That notion, though, left me completely disappointed when her next album "Sucker" came along. God, that was such a disappointment. I suppose I should have seen that coming after "Fancy," huh? It was like the opposite of being baptized.

Did you know that we (as in me and Charli XCX) have the same birthday, by the way? What a fucking coincidence, right? That's awesome. Let's rant about her work, now that we got that out of the way.

Let's see what the Vroom Vroom EP has to offer. Don't disappointment me again, please, Charlotte.

So, the mini-album's flagship title comes first - "Vroom Vroom." Oh God, I can feel the disappointment already rising from the title. Look, it's okay to call your label that, but the album? Kind of ridiculous, in my opinion.

Listen to "Vroom Vroom" on Spotify here.

It's alright, to put it simply. The lyrics that cushion themselves around the chorus are what I hate most about music these days. It flows nicely, true, but it just feels so arbitrary. Like, okay... cool. Got anything that's actually worth some meaning? I don't want to hear about cars, bitches or parties. I know you're hot, Charlotte - I fucking get it. I don't care. Tell me something different for fuck's sake. Supposedly, Charli is known for "experimental" music these days. Cool! How about you experiment with some positive vibes, huh? Maybe you should ask Leafyishere for some advice.

Although the lyrics are bothersome, the intro to the song feels too strong as well. It suits the tone of the lyrics, though, so I can't knock it too much. It's just the fact that I don't like the tone.

The strong suit of the song is obviously the chorus. Very great work here! That's where Charli excels in most of her songs. I found myself bumping to the beat in this one, actually. Whoever did the beat really knows what they're doing. The outro to the song is rather good, too. Now, if only we could merge the two somehow... Like maybe sing the song in that tone instead of the cars and parties one?

I'll leave this one here and say... it's alright. Not great, not good either. Just O.K.

"Vroom Vroom" gets a 5/10. 

Next, we move on to "Paradise."

Listen to "Paradise" on Spotify here.

Funny enough, the song on the mini-album that features another singer is the one that shines brightest! Hannah Diamond's voice is gentle and simply marvelous. It's gentle melody harmonizes the combination of both of their voices nicely. Beautiful work in this song. Great beat as well. Feels like a beat Childish Gambino would use, actually! Very much his kind of style. Regardless, noddy work here ladies.

The editing on the voice at the beginning is weird. It shows up in the chorus as well. That's the only thing that really irks me about this one. Why have it at all? Just have a simple duet during the chorus.

Otherwise, this is definitely the best song on the album.

"Paradise" gets an 8.5/10.

Things are looking up. Let's move on to "Trophy."

Listen to "Trophy" on Spotify here.

So this song starts with a sample taken from "Pulp Fiction." Cool choice. I fucking love Pulp Fiction. What was in that damned suitcase?! It's Uma Thurman saying, "I wanna win. I want that trophy." Just for those with ghastly curiosity.

That's all the good things I have to say about this one! Honest. I really abhor the direction this song decided to morbidly preach throughout. This song is ASS!

The Hook, for starters, consists of "Throw it up!" Plus some use of the sample, that's it. Like, what? What the fuck is that? This was complemented by completely obnoxious beats in the background. Ugh.

I was pretty much done at the first line of the first verse. Yeah, that soon. "Yeah bitch, I'm here to take that crown." Ugh. What is wrong with you? What happened to the Charlotte I knew from the song just before this one? Or the one from "True Romance," for that matter.

It feels like a song you'd play in the club, but a song you'd play at 2 AM when every one's already hammered out of their minds, so they don't pay attention to the lyrics that much. I say that because again, whoever does her beats is very talented - at trashy club music too, it seems. Their range of genres is amazing!

"Trophy" gets a 2/10. Shit the fuck.

"Secret" is next. God, help me.

Listen to "Secret" over on Spotify or whatever.

Not bad, actually. I don't like the theme, of course, but it flows nicely. This is the first time I'll knock the person in charge of the instrumentals. I feel like they tried a bit too hard here. The drops don't have to be so emphasized. Despite this, Charli really excels at the chorus in this one. Worth a listen or two from the catchy nature the Hook holds - but only for those few times. The song is remarkably bland overall.

I don't really have anything much to say about this one other than that. The hook is alright, but the song is boring. Not bad, though.

"Secret" gets a 6/10. 

Overall, I remain very disappointed in this mini-album from Charli XCX. I think I'll have to remain disappointed. She doesn't look like she'll be on her way back to the "True Romance" vibes anytime soon. I do digress, though. It might just not be for me - this style of music. Despite being just 19, I absolutely despise any type of music that mentions cars or parties as methods of flaunting. It fucking sucks. I want the old Charlotte back! That's what I'm basically saying.

Averaging it off, the "Vroom Vroom EP" as a whole gets a 5/10 from me. It's not great, but Paradise is worth a listen when you get a chance. I'd save Paradise in a separate playlist on Spotify, so you can avoid the worthless piece of shit it's forced to sit around. I'm very disappointed in this little "experiment," Charlotte. I know you're better than that. If there's anything Charli XCX needs to take from this mini-album, it needs to be "Paradise." Hannah Diamond was great, but you can't rely on other singers to make you great. She needs to make songs like "Paradise" without the assistance of others.

Give a listen to "True Romance" when you have the chance. Now that was a good album from Charli. Better than this one, surely.